Kairilan
by jacobyel
Summary: Parody of Mulan. Kairi must take her place as a man after Hakoda is called to war. But when she falls for a young captain named Sora, will love end the war from the evil Skulker?
1. Cast

Cast:

**Cast:**  
- **Mulan** – Kairi (Kingdom Hearts 2)

- **Li Shang** – Sora (Kingdom Hearts 2)

- **Mushu** – Cynder (Spyro series)

- **Chien Po** – Choji Akimichi (Naruto: Hurricane Chronicles)

- **Yao** – Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic X)

- **Ling** – Jack Spicer (Xiaolin Showdown)

- **Shan Yu** – Skulker (Danny Phantom)

- **Chi Fu** – Vlad Masters (Danny Phantom)

- **Fa Zhou** – Hakoda (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

- **Granny Fa** – Sarah (Suikoden series)

- **Emperor** – Uryu Ishida (Bleach)

- **First Ancestor Fa** – Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

- **Fa Li** – Chun Li (Street Fighter series)

- **Little Brother** – Growlithe (Pok'emon)

- **General Li** – Ichigo Kurosaki (Bleach)

- **Matchmaker **– Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

- **Huns** – Mephiles the Dark (Sonic the Hedgehog), Waluigi (Mario series), Itachi  
Uchiha (Naruto: Hurricane Chronicles), Chase Young (Xiaolin Showdown) and Norm the Genie (Fairly Odd Parents)

- **Khan** – Rapidash (Pok'emon)

- **Cri Kee** – Flik (A Bug's Life)

-** Maidens** – Yumi Yoshimura (Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi), Selphie Tilmitt (Final Fantasy 8), Renee Roberts (Tokyo Mew Mew) and Paulina (Danny Phantom)

- **Soldiers** – Raimundo Pedrosa, Clay Bailey (Xiaolin Showdown), Roxas, Axel, Riku (Kingdom Hearts 2), Danny Fenton, Tucker Foley (Danny Phantom), Ash Ketchum, Brock (Pok'emon), Ed, Edd, Eddy (Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy), Jet the Hawk, Storm the Albatross (Sonic Riders), Ike, Marth, Roy (Fire Emblem series), etc.


	2. Chapter 1, Our Story Begins

A Toonibanian painting of the Great Wall of Tooniba is slowly painted across the screen

A Toonibanian painting of the Great Wall of Tooniba is slowly painted across the screen. The words Jacobyel Productions present and then "Kairilan" and the dragon symbol appear. The painting becomes animated, and a soldier named Danny Fenton walks around his post. Suddenly, a bird of prey hits the back of his head ...

Danny Fenton:  
Ah!  
The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more.

Danny:  
Running back to his post  
We're under attack! Light the signal!

(The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns. Danny climbs up the ladder.)

Danny:  
lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at Skulker; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall  
Now all of Tooniba knows you're here.

Skulker:  
picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire  
Perfect.

(The Toonibanian General, Ichigo Kurosaki, and two soldiers named Ike and Marth walk into the Emperor Uryu Ishida's chamber and bow.)

Ichigo Kurosaki:  
Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border.

Vlad Masters:  
Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall!  
He is silenced with a raised hand from the Emperor Uryu Ishida.

Ichigo:  
Skulker is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

Uryu Ishida:  
No!  
Standing up  
Send your troops to protect my people! Vlad!

Vlad:  
Yes, your Highness.

Uryu:  
Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces.  
Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

Ichigo:  
Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

Uryu:  
I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the  
difference between victory and defeat.

Kairi:  
Using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice  
Quiet and demure ... graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised ...  
she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm  
... punctual!

A rooster crows  
Aaiee!

Blowing on her arm  
Growlithe! Growlithe! Growl--

she glances down at a sleeping Growlithe on the floor  
Ah! There you are!

The Growlithe wakes up  
Who's the smartest doggy in the world? C'mon,  
smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today?

she ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Growlithe immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.

Hakoda:  
praying  
Honorable Ancestors ... please help Kairi impress the Matchmaker Azula today.  
Growlithe, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the family temple.  
Please, please help her.

Kairi:  
Father, I brought you some ... Whoop!

bangs into Hakoda, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter

Hakoda:  
Kairi ...

Kairi:  
I brought a spare!

Hakoda:  
Kairi ...

Kairi:  
Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning ...

Hakoda:  
Kairi.

Kairi:  
... and three at night.

Hakoda:  
Kairi. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to ...

Kairi:  
Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck!

Hakoda:  
Hurry! I'm going to ... pray some more.


	3. Chapter 2, Kairi Will Bring Honor

Nani Pelekai:

Nani Pelekai:  
Chun Li, where is your daughter? Azula is not a patient woman.

Chun Li:  
Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Sarah:  
How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need.  
Holds up a wicker cage with an ant named Flik inside.  
This is your chance to prove yourself.  
She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk.

Chun Li:  
Sarah! No!  
(Sarah walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed.)

Sarah:  
Yup! This ant's a lucky one!  
Chun-Li sighs. Kairi comes riding up on Rapidash, and hops off.

Kairi:  
I'm here!  
looks at her mother  
What? But, Mama, I had to--

Chun Li:  
None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

Begin Song: "Honor to us all"

Nani:  
_**This is what you give me to work with?**__**  
**__**Well, honey, I've seen worse.**__**  
**__**We're going to turn this sow's ear**__**  
**__**Into a silk purse.**_

Kairi:  
It's freezing!

Chun Li:  
It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

Nani:  
_**We'll have you, washed and dried**__**  
**__**Primped and polished till you glow with pride**__**  
**__**Just my recipe for instant bride**__**  
**__**You'll bring honor to us all.**_

Chun Li:  
Kairi, what's this?

Kairi:  
Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

Sarah:  
Hold this.  
Hands Flik to Chun Li  
We're going to need more luck than I thought.

Lucia Nanami:  
_**Wait and see, when we're through**_

Hanon Hosho:  
_**Boys will gladly go to war for you**____****_

Lucia:  
_**With good fortune**_

Hanon:  
_**And a great hairdo**_

Both:  
_**You'll bring honor to us all.**____**  
**__**A girl can bring her family**__**  
**__**Great honor in one way**__**  
**__**By striking a good match**__**  
**__**And this might be the day**_

Juniper Lee:  
_**Men want girls with good taste**_

Katara:  
_**Calm**_

Chun Li:  
_**Obedient**_

Katara:  
_**Who work fast-paced**_

Chun Li:  
_**With good breeding**_

Katara:  
_**And a tiny waist**_

All:  
_**You'll bring honor to us all.**____**  
**__**We all must serve our Emperor**__**  
**__**Who guards us from the Huns**__**  
**__**A man by bearing arms**__**  
**__**A girl by bearing sons**_

Vanilla the Rabbit:  
_**When we're through,**__**  
**__**You can't fail**__**  
**__**Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale**__**  
**__**How could any fellow say, "No sale"?**__**  
**__**You'll bring honor to us all!**_

Chun Li:  
There, you're ready.

Sarah:  
Not yet! An apple for serenity  
A pendant for balance  
_**Beads of jade for beauty**__**  
**__**You must proudly show it**__**  
**__**Now, add a cricket, just for luck,**__**  
**__**And even you can't blow it!**___

Kairi:  
_**Ancestors, hear my plea,**__**  
**__**Please don't let me make a fool of me**__**  
**__**And to not uproot my family tree**__**  
**__**Keep my father standing tall.**_

Girls:  
_**Scarier than the Undertaker,**__**  
**__**We are meeting our matchmaker!**_

All:  
_**Destiny, guard our girls,**__**  
**__**Help our future as it fast unfurls**__**  
**__**Please look kindly on these cultured pearls**__**  
**__**Each a perfect porcelain doll ...**_

Yumi Yoshimura:  
_**Please bring honor to us**_

Selphie Tilmitt:  
_**Please bring honor to us**_

Renee Roberts:  
_**Please bring honor to us**_

Paulina:  
_**Please bring honor to us**_

All:  
_**Please bring honor to us all!**_

End Song

Azula:  
Kairi?

Kairi:  
Present!

Azula:  
Speaking without permission ...

Kairi:  
Oops ...  
They go inside

Sarah:  
to Chun Li  
Who spit in her bean curd?

Azula:  
Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.  
(Flik hops out of his cage, Kairi frantically tries to put him back in.)

Azula:  
Recite the Final Admonition.

Kairi:  
Mmm-hmm-hmm ...  
pulls out a paper fan and spits Flik out

Azula:  
Well?

Kairi:  
Fulfill your duties, calmly and ...  
glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly  
respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! This shall bring you honor and glory.  
She fans herself, Azula grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Kairi by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.

Azula:  
This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future  
in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity  
she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak  
and refinement. You must also be poised.  
Kairi, staring at the now black-faced Azula, pours the tea but is distracted by the markings and misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup. Kairi notices Flik relaxing happily in the tea. Azula takes the teacup, and is about  
to sip it.)

Kairi:  
Um, pardon me ...

Azula:  
And silent!  
sniffs the tea  
Ah ...

Kairi:  
Could I just take that back? One moment ...  
She grabs for the cup. Azula fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over Azula. Flik hops down her dress.)

Azula:  
Why, you clumsy! ... Oh! Ah! Woo!  
She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Kairi desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The matchmaker runs around screaming.

(Outside)

Sarah:  
To Chun Li, after hearing the screams and seeing smoke  
I think it's going well, don't you?  
(Azula runs outside, screaming.)

Azula:  
Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!  
Kairi throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to Azula and quickly walks toward Chun Li and Sarah.

Azula:  
furious  
You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!


	4. Chapter 3, Kairi's Reflection

(At the Li farm. Kairi is greeted with a warm, yet unknowing smile by  
her father, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Rapidash to the stable.)

Beginning of Song: "Reflection"

Kairi:  
_**Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect bride  
Or a perfect daughter  
Can it be?  
I'm not meant to play this part?**_

Now I see  
That if I were truly to be myself  
I would break my family's heart.

Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me  
Why is my reflection someone I don't know  
Somehow I cannot hide

Who I am, though I've tried  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am, inside?  
  
End Song  
Hakoda:  
My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this  
one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

(Kairi glances at him, realizing the meaning of this parable. Ahhhhhhh! How sweet!)

(Drums sound)  
Kairi:  
What is it?

(Imperial soldiers and Vlad come riding over a hill.)

Chun Li:  
Kairi, stay inside.

Sarah:  
Ahem.

points toward a low roof. Kairi runs over to it and peers over the roof

Vlad:  
Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! The Huns have invaded Tooniba! By order of the Emperor Uryu Ishida, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army.

Reading from list

The Long Family!  
The Elric Family!

Edward Elric:  
I will serve the Emperor Uryu Ishida in my father's place.

Vlad:  
The Li Family!

Kairi:  
No!

(Hakoda walks over to Vlad.)

Hakoda:  
I am ready to serve the Emperor Uryu.

Kairi:  
Father, you can't go!

Hakoda:  
Kairi!

Kairi:  
To Vlad  
Please, sir, my father has already fought for--

Vlad:  
Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

Hakoda:  
Kairi. You dishonor me.

Vlad:  
Report tomorrow at the Moo-Shung Camp.

He hands Hakoda a scroll.

Hakoda:  
Yes, sir.

Vlad:  
Continues to read  
The Hale Family!  
The Uzumaki Family!  
The Nara Family!

(In Hakoda's bedroom, he yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheathes a keyblade. Kairi watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.)

(At dinner, Kairi pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang.)

Kairi:  
You shouldn't have to go!

Chun Li:  
Kairi!

Kairi:  
There are plenty of young men to fight for Tooniba!

Hakoda:  
It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

Kairi:  
So you'll die for honor.

Hakoda:  
I will die doing what's right.

Kairi:  
But if you ...

Hakoda:  
I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

(Kairi stares at her father for a moment, then runs outside crying. Kairi is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she can see her mother and father talking. Hakoda picks up the candle and blows it out. Kairi thinks for a minute, then makes her decision. Kairi walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's keyblade, she cuts her hair short and puts on her father's armor. Going out to the stable, she mounts Rapidash and sets off for the army. The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Sarah wakes up.)

Sarah:  
Kairi is gone!

Hakoda:  
What? It can't be ...

He runs outside

Kairi! No ...

Chun Li:  
You must go after her. She could be killed.

Hakoda:  
If I reveal her, she will be.

Sarah:  
Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Kairi.


	5. Chapter 4, Cynder the Guardian Dragon

(In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone  
light up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor Iroh.)

Iroh:  
To the small hanging dragon statue  
Cynder, awaken.

(The statue shakes and smokes.)

Cynder:  
I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great  
Ancestor Iroh. You just say the word, and I'm there.

Iroh:  
Cynder ...

Cynder:  
And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten  
OUR family, vengeance will be MINE! Grr ... arrgh ...

Iroh:  
Cynder! These are the family guardians. They ...

Cynder:  
Protect the family.

Iroh:  
And you, O Demoted One ...

Cynder:  
I ring the gong.

Iroh:  
That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

Cynder:  
One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up!  
Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

Sam Manson:  
I knew it, I knew it. That Kairi was a troublemaker from the start.

Squall Leonhart:  
Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!

Shizune:  
She's just trying to help her father!

Iruka Umino:  
But if she's discovered, Hakoda will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family.  
Traditional values will disintegrate!

Silver the Hedgehog:  
Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

Sam:  
My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

Squall:  
Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

Anko Mitarashi:  
No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!

(The Ancestors start to argue)

Jack Fenton:  
Let a guardian bring her back!

Squall:  
Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

Iruka:  
No! The swiftest!

Rukia Kuchiki:  
No, send the wisest!

Iroh:  
SILENCE! We will send the most powerful of all.

Cynder:  
laughs  
Okay, okay, I get the Jist. I'll go.

(Laughter results at the expense of Cynder)

Cynder:  
Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here!  
Blows a tiny flame  
Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

Iroh:  
You had your chance to protect the Li Family.

Anko:  
Your misguidance led Eduardo to disaster!

Eduardo:  
(headless)  
Yes, thanks a lot.

Cynder:  
And your point is?

Iroh:  
The point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Kairi.

Kairi:  
What? What? I'm a real dragon!

Iroh:  
You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon Ignitus!

Cynder:  
So you'll get back to me on the job thing.  
She is hit in the face with her gong.

Cynder:  
Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you.

To the dragon statue Ignitus  
Yo, Iggy, wake up! You gotta go fetch Kairi! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon!

He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.  
Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO!

He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart. Uh-oh ...

Cynder:  
Uh ... Iggy? Iggy ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

Iroh:  
Great Stone Dragon Ignitus! Have you awakened?

Cynder:  
Holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon Ignitus  
Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon Ignitus! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Kairi! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?

Iroh:  
Go! The fate of the Li family rests in your claws.

Cynder:  
Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face.

She loses her balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of her.

Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something.

She lifts the head off.

That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because  
Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.

Flik:  
Cynder.

Cynder:  
Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humpty Dumpty mess, I'd  
have to bring her back with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make  
Kairi a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh,  
you've done it now, man.

Flik:  
Alright.

Cynder:  
running  
And what makes you think you're coming?

Flik:  
Well, I…uh.

Cynder:  
You're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you?

Flik:  
Nope.

Cynder:  
What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of your antennae  
off and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, you or me?

Flik:  
You.


	6. Chapter 5, A Changed Name

Mephiles the Dark:

Mephiles the Dark:  
Imperial Scouts.

Ash Ketchum:  
Skulker!

Skulker:  
Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Hun army.  
(Laughter)

Roxas:  
The Emperor Uryu will stop you.

Skulker:  
Stop me! He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play  
his game. Go! Tell your Emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready.

(Ash and Roxas scurry off, one after the other.)

Skulker:  
How many men does it take to deliver a message?

Itachi Uchiha:  
One.

Kairi:  
Okay. Okay, how about this:  
in a deep voice  
Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a  
keyblade. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong.  
She fumbles with the keyblade, dropping it on the  
ground. Rapidash rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe.

Kairi:  
I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

Cynder:  
covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Kairi can see is her giant shadow.  
Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

Kairi:  
Agggggghhh!

Cynder:  
That's close enough!

Kairi:  
A ghost!

Cynder:  
Get ready, Kairi, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have  
been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade!  
She glances down at Flik, who is making finger-shadows of a dragon's head, and kicks him. C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me.

To Kairi

So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

Kairi:  
Who are you?

Cynder:  
Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls!  
I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Cynder.

(Kairi stares at the tiny dragon for a moment.)

Cynder:  
Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh?  
Immediately Rapidash steps all over her.

Kairi:  
My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?

Cynder:  
Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue-thing.

Kairi:  
You're ... um ...

Cynder:  
Intimidating? All inspiring?

Kairi:  
Tiny!

Cynder:  
Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If  
I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright.  
Rapidash tries to chomp her.  
DOWN, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor.  
SLAP!!  
Allright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-

Kairi:  
Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

Cynder:  
Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that?

Kairi nods.  
Allright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Flik, get the bags!

To Rapidash  
Let's move it heifer!

(At the Toon-Shung Camp)

Cynder:  
Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it!

Cynder:  
They pass men trimming their toenails and picking their noses  
Beautiful, isn't it.

Kairi:  
They're disgusting.

Cynder:  
No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

Bender Bending Rodriguez:  
Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

Shadow the Hedgehog:  
Hmmm ... punches Bender

Jack Spicer:  
laughing  
I hope you can get your money back!

Kairi:  
I don't think I can do this ...

Cynder:  
It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!

Shadow:  
spits  
What are you looking at?

Cynder:  
Punch him. It's how men say hello.  
Kairi punches Shadow; he slams into Choji Akimichi.

Choji Akimichi:  
Oh, Shadow! You've made a friend!

Cynder:  
Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that. (Kairi slaps Shadow.)

Shadow:  
Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

Choji:  
picks up Shadow  
Shadow, relax and chant with me.

Shadow:  
errrrrgh ...

Choji:  
nanuami tofu dah ...

Shadow:  
nonuami tofu dah.

Choji:  
Feel better?

Shadow:  
Nrrgh. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Chicken girl.

Cynder:  
Chicken girl!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

Shadow:  
Rrraaaaghhh!  
Grabs Kairi and punches; she ducks and he punches Jack three times.  
Oh, sorry Jack. Hey!  
He reaches down to catch Kairi from crawling away, and Jack kicks him into Choji, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with Choji swatting to get them off. Kairi scrambles away.

Jack:  
Hey! There he goes!

They chase Kairi through a tent, and the Gang of three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. Choji knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Kairi.

Kairi:  
Hey, guys ...

(Inside the Captain's Tent)

Ichigo:  
The Huns have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Toon Chow  
Pass and stop Skulker before he destroys this village.

Vlad:  
Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

Ichigo:  
to Sora  
You will stay and train the new recruits. When Vlad  
believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

Sora:  
Captain?

Vlad:  
Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

Ichigo:  
Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive  
military linuage ... I believe Sora will do an excellent job.

Sora:  
Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

Ichigo:  
Very good, then. We'll toast Tooniba's victory at the  
Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

Vlad:  
And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

Sora:  
Captain Sora Kurosaki. Leader of Tooniba's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time.

They step outside

Vlad:  
Most impressive.

Ichigo:  
Good luck, Captain! Yah!

He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.

Sora:  
Good luck ... Father.

Vlad:  
Day one.

Sora:  
Soldiers!

(Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Kairi)

Soldiers:  
HE started it!

Sora:  
to Kairi  
I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

Kairi:  
Sorry ...  
in a deep voice  
I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those  
manly urges ... just gotta KILL something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

Sora:  
What's your name?

Kairi:  
uh...um...uh...

Vlad:  
Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

Kairi:  
I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

Cynder:  
Jack! How 'bout Jack?

Kairi:  
(to Cynder)  
HIS name is Jack.

Sora:  
I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

Cynder:  
Uh ... Ah-chu!

Kairi:  
Ah-chu!

Sora:  
AH-CHU?!

Cynder:  
Gesuintit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

Kairi:  
Cynder ...

Sora:  
CYNDER?

Kairi:  
No.

Sora:  
Then WHAT is it?!

Cynder:  
Terrador! Terrador was my teacher in Dragon School.

Kairi:  
It's Terrador.

Sora:  
Terrador.

Cynder:  
'Course, Terrador did steal my girl--

Kairi:  
Yes. My name is Terrador.

Sora:  
Let me see your conscription notice.  
Kairi hands the scroll to him.  
Hakoda? THE Hakoda?

Vlad:  
I didn't know Hakoda had a son.

Kairi:  
Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much.  
She attempts to spit, but fails miserably.

Kairi:  
I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic!  
(Laughter)

Sora:  
Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Terrador, you'll spend tonight picking up every single  
grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

(Grumbling)

Cynder:  
You know, we have to work on your people skills.


	7. Chapter 6, Sora Will Make a Man

(Inside Kairi's tent, Cynder picks up Flik and uses him for an alarm clock.)

Cynder:  
All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

(Kairi pulls the blanket over her, and Cynder pulls it off.)

Cynder:  
Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready.  
Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

(Flik is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Cynder uses chopsticks to fish him out.)

Cynder:  
Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

Kairi:  
Am I late?

Cynder:  
stuffs porridge in her mouth  
No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

Kairi:  
But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

Cynder:  
Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

(Kairi looks at Cynder, her mouth full of porridge.)

Cynder:  
Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

Kairi:  
Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Cynder:  
That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm  
talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

(Rapidash neighs frantically)

Cynder:  
What do you mean, the troops just left?

Kairi:  
They WHAT?

She rushes out of the tent

Cynder:  
Wait, you forgot your keyblade!  
sniffs  
My little baby, off to destroy people ...

Vlad:  
Order! People, order!

Tucker Foley:  
I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

Choji:  
Sweet and pungent shrimp.

Vlad:  
That's not funny.

Jack:  
Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Terrador, Are ya hungry?

Shadow:  
Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

Sora:  
Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every  
morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.  
(He takes off his shirt, and Kairi stares in awe.)

Shadow:  
Ooh, tough guy.

Sora:  
pulls out a bow and arrow and aims it at Shadow, then  
at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp.  
Shadow. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

Shadow:  
I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on.  
He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.

Sora:  
One moment, you seem to be missing something.  
He pulls two giant medals out of a box.  
This represents discipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow.  
He ties them around Shadow's wrists, and all the soldiers  
after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.

Sora:  
We've got a long way to go.

Beginning of Song: "I'll Make a Man Out of You."

Sora:  
_**Let's get down to business  
To defeat the Huns  
Did they send me daughters  
When I asked for sons?  
You're the saddest bunch  
I ever met, but you can bet  
Before we're through  
Mister, I'll make a man  
Out of you.**_

Tranquil as a forest  
But on fire within  
Once you find your center  
You are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot  
And you haven't got a clue  
Somehow, I'll make a man out of you.

Choji:  
_**I'm never gonna catch my breath  
**_  
Shadow:  
_**Say good-bye to those who knew me **_

Jack:  
_**Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym **_

Cynder:  
_**This guy's got 'em scared to death**_

Kairi:  
_**I hope he doesn't see right through me**_

Choji:  
_**Now I really wish that I knew how to swim**_

_**(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river**_

(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Time is racing t'ward us  
Till the Huns arrive  
Heed my every order  
And you might survive  
You're unsuited for the rage of war  
So pack up, go home, you're through  
How could I make a man out of you

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

(Be a man)  
We must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

End of Song

(Skulker cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small  
doll. Skulker jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to Itachi.)

Skulker:  
What do you see?

Mephiles:  
Black pine ... from the high mountains!

Waluigi:  
White horse hair ... Imperial stallions.

Chase Young:  
Sulphur ... from cannons.

Skulker:  
This doll came from a village in the Toon Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting.

Norm:  
We can avoid them easily.

Skulker:  
No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. Besides,  
the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.


	8. Chapter 7, Kairi Takes a Bath

Cynder:

Cynder:  
Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

Kairi:  
Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

Cynder:  
So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky,  
picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

Kairi:  
Jumps in the water  
Ah.

Cynder:  
Okay, alright, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

Kairi:  
Cynder, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

Cynder:  
Yeah, yeah. Stand watch, Cynder, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.

(Three -naked- men flash by, laughing.)

Cynder:  
We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!

(Kairi ducks into the water as Jack, Shadow and Choji jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.)

Shadow:  
Hey, Terrador!

Kairi:  
Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just  
washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

Jack:  
Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Jack Spicer, the Evil Boy Genius.

Kairi:  
Hey, Jack.

Choji:  
And I'm Choji Akimichi.

Kairi:  
Hello, Choji.

Shadow:  
And I am Shadow the Hedgehog, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you little sissies can do about it.

Jack:  
Oh yeah? Well, I think Ping and I can take you!

Kairi:  
I really don't want to take him anywhere.

Jack:  
But, Terrador! We have to fight!

Kairi:  
No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

Jack:  
C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!

Cynder:  
What a nasty flavor.

Jack:  
sees Cynder  
ARBOK!!

(While Shadow, Choji and Jack are shrieking, Kairi whistles for Rapidash and sneaks away.)

Jack:  
huddled on the rock with Choji and Shadow  
Some King of the Rock.

Kairi:  
Boy, that was close.

Cynder:  
No, that was vile. You owe me big!

Kairi:  
I never want to see a naked man again.

(A herd of naked men flash by.)

Cynder:  
Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts.

(In Vlad's tent)

Vlad:  
You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!

Sora:  
They completed their training.

Vlad:  
Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain.  
Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Cynder:  
Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get  
Kairi into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!

Sora:  
We're not finished!

Vlad:  
Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the Emperor Uryu's Council.  
And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own... You're dismissed.

Kairi:  
to Sora  
Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch!  
(She sees he's sad)  
...Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Cynder:  
I saw that.

Kairi:  
What?

Cynder:  
You like him, don't you

Kairi:  
No! I ...

Cynder:  
Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT!

(Smiling, Kairi walks away.)

Cynder:  
to Flik  
I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

(They rush into the tent as Vlad strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers. Flik types out a letter, like a typewriter.)

Cynder:  
Okay, lemme see what you've got.  
reads  
_From General Ichigo._ _'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' _Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot,_ 'and since we're out of potpourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' _HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

(Flik hops around typing out another letter.)

Cynder:  
That's better, much better! Let's go!

Cynder:  
Rappy, baby. We need a ride.

Rapidash squirts him off, and Flik slowly backs off.

(At the lake. Laughter)

Vlad:  
Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers!  
More laughter  
And I do not squeal like a girl!  
He turns to see a straw soldier (Cynder and Flik) riding an Arcanine.  
Eeeeeeek!!

Cynder:  
In a deep voice  
Urgent new from the general Ichigo!  
She holds out a scroll  
What's the matter, you've never seen a black and orange before?

Vlad:  
Who are you?

Cynder:  
Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no  
time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on.  
Vlad turns, and the Arcanine climbs up a nearby tree.

(In the captain's tent)  
Vlad:  
Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Cynder:  
Pack your bags, Flik, we're moving out!


	9. Chapter 8, Kairi Worth Fighting For

Begin Song: "A Girl Worth Fighting For." All: For a long time we've been marching off to battle.  
Shadow: In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle.

All: Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.

Jack: Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!

Kairi: Huh?

Jack: That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!

Jack: I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.

Shadow: My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!

Choji: I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like!  
It all depends on what she cooks like!  
Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ...

Shadow: Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!

Jack: And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!

All: You can guess what we have missed the most Since we went off to war!

Jack: What do we want?

All: A girl worth fighting for!

Shadow: My girl will think I have no flaws

Choji: That I'm a major find

Kairi: How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?

All: Nah!

Jack: My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!

Shadow: He thinks he's such a lady-killer!

Vlad: I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!

Shadow: Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!

All: But when we come home, in victory They'll line up at the door!

Jack: What do we want?

All: A girl worth fighting for!

Jack: Wish that I had

All: A girl worth fighting for!  
A girl worth fighting--

(The Chinese army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.)

Sora:  
Search for survivors!

(Kairi picks up a small doll - the same one that the Huns found.)

Sora:  
I don't understand. My father should've been here.

Vlad:  
Captain!

(They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead Chinese soldiers. Choji hands the general's helmet to Sora.)

Choji:  
The ... general.

(Sora takes his sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer.)

Kairi:  
I'm sorry.

Sora:  
mounts his horse The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Toonperial City through the Toon Show pass. We're the only hope for the Emperor Uryu now. Move out! 


	10. Chapter 9, The War

(The army slowly walks away. Kairi places the  
doll by Sora's keyblade/memorial and joins the others. As the Toonibanian Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Rapidash suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Kairi looks at Cynder accusingly.)

Sora:  
(To Kairi)  
What happened? You just gave away out position! Now we're--  
an arrow hits his shoulder, throwing him off the horse. Huns  
appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers.  
Get out of range!

(The pitiful Toonibanian army struggles to get away from the Huns,  
but are intercepted by another group of Huns up on another cliff.)

Sora:  
Save the cannons!

The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Kairi cuts Rapidash's reins and mounts him. The wagon explodes, sending Cynder and Flik flying. Kairi falls off the horse.

Cynder:  
Oh, sure, save the horse.  
Kairi grabs Cynder and her keyblade and runs over to the other soldiers.

Sora:  
Fire!  
The soldier named Brock lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow.  
Fire!  
There is no sound from the Huns, who are no longer on the cliffs.  
Hold the last cannon.

(Suddenly, a Tauros appears on the hill. Skulker is soon joined by hundreds of Hun soldiers.)

Sora:  
Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.  
The Huns charge the Toonibanian Army.  
Shadow! Aim the cannon at Skulker.  
Shadow aims the cannon.

(While glancing at her keyblade, Kairi notices the reflection of a glacial overhang. She grabs the cannon and runs toward the Huns, aiming at the overhang.)

Sora:  
Terrador! Terrador, come back!

(Frantically, as Skulker draws nearer, his keyblade raised, Kairi fumbles with the match.)

Cynder:  
Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly!  
Kairi is attacked by Skulker's hawk, and loses the match.

Shadow:  
C'mon, we gotta help!  
The Gang of Three run toward Kairi, swinging their keyblades. Kairi uses Cynder to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang.

Cynder:  
You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you!

The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Hun Army, burying them. In fury, Skulker roars and hits Kairi in the side with his keyblade blade. She quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Sora with her. Rapidash runs toward them, and Kairi gets on and tries to give Sora a hand, but he loses his grip and is dragged into the snow.

Cynder:  
riding down the snow in a hubcap  
Kairi!! Kairi! Kairi?  
He pulls Chase Young's head out of the snow.  
Nope. Kairi!  
He reaches down and pulls out Flik.  
Man, you are one lucky bug.

(Kairi and Rapidash break out of the snow and race toward  
Sora, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff.)

Kairi:  
Sora!  
She pulls him up onto the saddle.

Choji:  
holding up Shadow  
Do you see them?

Shadow:  
Yeah!  
He fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Kairi.  
Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safety!  
The rope slips through his hands.

Cynder:  
sliding near Kairi and Sora  
Kairi! I found a lucky ant!

Kairi:  
We need help!  
The arrow flies near them, Kairi grabs it and ties it around Rapidash.

Cynder:  
to Flik  
Nice, very nice! You can sit by me!  
They climb up onto Rapidash, and notice the cliff.  
Aaaugh!! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming!  
Kairi shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff.

Shadow:  
crying  
I let them slip through my fingers ...

looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in his hands. He is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of him. Finally Choji walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Kairi, Rapidash, and Sora up onto the ground.

Cynder:  
I knew we could do it! You the man! Well, sort of.

Jack:  
Step back, guys. Give him some air!

Sora:  
breathing heavily  
Terrador, you are the craziest man I ever met. And for that,  
I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.

Jack:  
Let's hear it for Terrador, the bravest of us all!

Shadow:  
You're King of the Mountain!

(They all cheer. Kairi tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping.)

Sora:  
Terrador! What's wrong?  
Kairi moves her hands to reveal blood.  
He's wounded! Get help!  
Kairi sinks into unconsciousness.  
Terrador, hold on. Hold on.

(The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Sora, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Kairi, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Sora stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Kairi realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on.)

Kairi:  
I can explain!

Vlad:  
So it's true!

Kairi:  
Sora!

Vlad:  
yanking Kairi out of the tent and pulling her hair out of a bun  
I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous Arbok!

Kairi:  
My name is Kairi. I did it to save my father!

Vlad:  
High treason!

Kairi:  
I didn't mean for it to go this far!

Vlad:  
Ultimate dishonor!

Kairi:  
It was the only way! Please, believe me!

Vlad:  
Captain?

(Sora walks over to Rapidash and takes out Kairi's keyblade. The  
Gang of Three start to rush over to her, but Vlad stops them.)

Vlad:  
to the soldiers holding Rapidash  
Restrain him.  
to the Gang of Three  
You know the law.

(Sora walks over to Kairi and throws the keyblade in the snow in front of her.)

Sora:  
A life for a life. My debt is repaid.  
to the soldiers  
Move out!

Vlad:  
But you can't just ...

Sora:  
to Vlad  
I said, 'Move out.'

(The Toonibanian Army sadly walks away, leaving Kairi, Cynder, and Rapidash in the snow.)

Cynder:  
I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors,  
getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work.  
She uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.

Kairi:  
I should never have left home.

Cynder:  
Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him,  
disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta  
learn to let these things go.

Kairi:  
Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do  
things right. So that when I looked in the mirror  
(she picks up her helmet to see her reflection)  
I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing.

Cynder:  
Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all.  
She spits on the helmet.  
Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, lookit you, you look so pretty! The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your  
life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.

(Flik starts to cry)

Cynder:  
What do you mean, you're not lucky! You ... lied to me?

Flik nods. Cynder turns to Rapidash.  
And what are you, an Ampharos?

Kairi:  
I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home

Cynder:  
Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise.

(The shadow of a hawk flies overheard, and around a bend. Skulker climbs out of the snow and looks around. He lets out a roar. Soon he is joined by five of his soldiers. They start down the path toward the Imperial City. Kairi watches them, grabs her keyblade, mounts Rapidash and turns after the Huns.)

Cynder:  
Uh, home is that way.

Kairi:  
I have to do something.

Cynder:  
Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! LIKE DAISIES!

Kairi:  
Are we in this together, or not?

Cynder  
looks guilty  
Let's go kick some Honey Buns!  
She and Flik jump on Rapidash, and they ride down the mountain, whooping.


	11. Chapter 10, Kairi VS Skulker

(In the Toonperial City, the Toonibanian citizens watch happily as the Toonperial City celebrates the Toonibanian victory with a parade.)

Homer Simpson:  
Make way for the heroes of Tooniba!

Sora, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow  
glumly behind, and behind them is a large Chinese dragon. Kairi comes riding up beside Sora

Kairi:  
Sora!

Sora:  
Kairi?

Kairi:  
The Huns are alive! They're in the city!

Sora:  
You don't belong here, Kairi. Go home.

Kairi:  
Shang, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!

Sora:  
Why should I?

Kairi:  
Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Terrador. Why is Kairi any different?

Sora rides around her. To the Gang of Three:  
Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah!

Cynder:  
as Kairi dismounts Rapidash  
Now where are you going?

Kairi:  
To find someone who will believe me!

She hurries off into the crowd. The Toonibanian Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Chinese Dragon. The Emperor Uryu meets them.

Uryu:  
My children! Heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom!  
Tooniba will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors!

Kairi:  
to a citizen named Mario  
Sir, the Emperor Uryu's in danger!

Mario:  
Huh!

Kairi:  
But the Huns are HERE!  
to another man named Cyborg  
Please, you have to help!

Cyborg:  
Eh!

Kairi:  
to Cynder  
No one will listen!

Cynder:  
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?

Kairi:  
Cynder ...

Cynder:  
Hey, you're a girl again, remember?

Sora:  
Your Majesty, I present to you the keyblade of Skulker.

Uryu:  
I know what this means to you, Captain Sora. Your father would have been very proud.

(Skulker's hawk swoops down and grabs the keyblade. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. Huns jump out of the Chinese Dragon. One of them grabs the Emperor Uryu and takes him into the palace.)

Sora:  
No!

Shadow:  
C'mon!

They run up to the palace, but the Huns close the great doors. On the roof, Skulker laughs. The Toonibanian Army uses a statue to try to break into the palace.

Kairi:  
They'll never reach the Emperor Uryu in time.

She looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to them.

Hey guys! I've got an idea!

The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Kairi, dropping the statue. They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the silk belts around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Sora takes off his cape and climbs up. Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Huns hold Uryu. Skulker sticks his head in their faces.

Skulker:  
to the Emperor Uryu  
Boo.  
to his soldiers  
Guard the door!  
to the Emperor Uryu  
Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.

(Outside, Kairi and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.)

Kairi:  
Okay. Any questions?

Shadow:  
Does this dress make me look fat?  
he is slapped  
Ow!

(The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.)

Daffy Duck:  
Who's there?

Raphael (from _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_):  
Concubines.

Daffy:  
Ugly concubines.

(An apple rolls out of Jack's dress. One of the guards named Leonardo picks it up. The hawk notices Sora hiding, and tries to call out, but Cynder breaths fire and torches him.)

Cynder:  
Now that's what I call Toongolian barbecue.

(The guard hands the apple to Jack, but the Gang of Three  
all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards.)

Kairi:  
Sora! Go!

Sora runs up the stairs and into the room where Skulker and Uryu are.

Skulker:  
I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!

Uryu:  
No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Skulker:  
raising his keyblade  
Then you will kneel ... in pieces!

He swings the keyblade; Sora rushes in and blocks it. He is  
swung around a pillar, and then kicks Skulker in the face.

Kairi:  
Choji, get the Emperor!

Choji:  
Sorry, your Majesty.

He picks up the Emperor Uryu, and, using his silk belt,  
slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.

Skulker:  
No!

He picks up Sora and smashes his head against Sora's. Kairi  
winces, then looks down at the ground, where Shadow and Jack are waiting.

Shadow:  
Come on!

(Kairi looks back at the unconscious Sora, and at Skulker who is approaching  
him. She pulls Skulker's keyblade out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.)

Skulker:  
No!

He turns to Sora, who is now conscious.  
You! You took away my victory!

He is hit by a shoe.

Kairi:  
No! I did.  
She pulls back her hair.

Skulker:  
The soldier from the mountain!

Abandoning Sora, he chases after Kairi, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Kairi is joined by Cynder and Flik, riding the feather-less hawk.

Cynder:  
So what's the plan?

Kairi:  
Ummmmm ...

Cynder:  
YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN?

Kairi:  
Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ...

as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.

Cynder--

Cynder:  
Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Flik!

They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Skulker attacks Kairi, and she shinnies up a pole. Skulker cuts down the pole, and Kairi and the pole go through the wall. Kairi jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Cynder and Flik are gathering ammunition.

Cynder:  
Citizens. I need firepower!

Zoro Roronoa:  
Who are you?

Cynder:  
looking fierce  
Your worst nightmare.

Zoro and Usopp jump off the tower.

Goku:  
Look! On the roof!

(Kairi backs along the roof, measuring the distance with her hands. Skulker  
crashes through the roof and raises his keyblade. Kairi pulls out a paper fan.)

Skulker:  
Guess you're out of ideas.

He stabs the keyblade through the fan; Kairi turns it around and readies the keyblade.

Kairi:  
Not quite. Ready, Cynder?

Cynder:  
with a rocket strapped to her back  
I am ready, baby!  
She breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Flik.  
Light me!

(Kairi kicks Skulker in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the keyblade. Flik lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Skulker straight into the firework tower.)

Kairi:  
picking up Cynder  
Get off the roof, get off the roof!

As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Sora, who is running down the stairs. Skulker's keyblade and Cynder land nearby.

Cynder:  
Ahahahahahaha!

He catches Flik  
You are a lucky bug!

Vlad:  
That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess!  
Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.

Sora:  
She's a hero!

Vlad:  
She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything!

Sora:  
Listen, you pompous ...

Uryu:  
That is enough!

Sora:  
Your Majesty, I can explain!

The Emperor Uryu raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Kairi.

Uryu:  
I've heard a great deal about you, Kairi. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Toonibanian Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all.  
He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Toonperial City bows to her.

Cynder:  
Our little baby is all grown up and saving Tooniba!  
To Flik  
Do you have a tissue?

Uryu:  
Vlad!

Vlad:  
Your Excellency?

Uryu:  
See that this woman is made a member of my council.

Vlad:  
What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!

Uryu:  
Very well. You can have his job.

Vlad:  
Wha? ... My? ...  
He faints.

Kairi:  
With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.

Uryu:  
Then take this  
he hands her a pendant,  
so your family will know what you have done for me. And this  
he hands her the keyblade of Skulker  
so the world will know what you have done for Tooniba.

(Kairi takes the gifts, then hugs the Emperor Uryu)

Shadow:  
Is she allowed to do that?

Jack, Choji and Sora shrug. Kairi steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Sora.

Sora:  
Um ... you ... You fight good.

Kairi:  
disappointed  
Oh. Thank you.  
She mounts Rapidash.

Kairi:  
Rapidash, let's go home.  
As she rides away, everyone cheers.

Uryu:  
To Sora  
The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Sora:  
... Sir? ...

Uryu:  
You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty!  
He puts on his hat and walks away.


	12. Chapter 11, Going Home

(At Kairi's house)  
Kairi approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.

Hakoda:  
Kairi!

Kairi:  
Father! I've brought you the keyblade of Skulker. And the  
Crest of the Emperor Uryu! They're gifts to honor the Li Family.

Her father drops the gifts and hugs her.

Hakoda:  
The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.

Kairi:  
I've missed you too, Baba.

Sarah:  
watching them  
Huh. She brings home a keyblade. If you ask me she should've brought home a man!

Sora:  
Excuse me, does Kairi Li live here?

(Sarah and Chun Li point, dumbstruck.)

Sora:  
Thank you.

Sarah:  
Woo! Sign me up for the next war!

Sora:  
Honorable Hakoda, I-- Kairi! Uhhhh ... you forgot your  
helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...

Kairi:  
Would you like to stay for dinner?

Sarah:  
Would you like to stay forever?

Sora:  
Dinner would be great.

Cynder:  
to Iroh  
Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.

Iroh:  
Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.

Cynder:  
AAAAAHHH-HAAAAAAAA!! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!

(Flik rings the gong; all the ancestors come out.)

Cynder:  
Take it, Flik!

Flik plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.

Squall:  
You know, she gets it from my side of the family!

(Cynder swings on a chain, yelling. She falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.)

Iroh:  
Guardians.

Kairi:  
Thanks, Kairi.

She kisses her on the forehead. Suddenly, Growlithe,  
followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.

Iroh:  
CYNDER!!


End file.
